I have seen more than once when a situation in the mountains ended up with friends becoming ex-friends.
There is a saying that goes something like: you learn more about a man after spending a hard day in the mountains with him than a year in the valley.
Coming back as friends assumes that you went into the hills as friends in the first place. For me that usually isn’t a problem. I tend not to climb with people that I don’t count as close friends. It’s not just a trust issue, but I prefer to share what I consider a deep experience with those that are dear to me. I know that some people have as many climbing partners as Facebook friends; just not me. I don’t even really like tying in on a TR in a gym with someone I don’t know really well. Climbing is hard. Climbing can be stressful. Climbing can really test the limits of friendship. Everything is fine when the going is easy. When the sun is shining, the rock is solid, and the summit near. When it’s late in the day, and the weather dire, the summit is still a long and undetermined ways off and stuff is going south in a hurry; things can be different.
I can overlook a lot of things, and I’d like to think I am reasonably tolerant of peoples foibles, but I draw the line at gross incompetence, or unsafe behaviors. If you like to bring anchovy and peanut butter sandwiches on a climb, knock yourself out. But if you can’t belay safely then I probably won’t be climbing with you.
Often times people get into it over decision points. Do we continue, or do we head down? Where should we bivi? If you aren’t real friends, or if you are lacking in character you might get resentful of your partners better food and clothing choices, or perhaps you think they somehow snagged the best part of the bivi ledge. Maybe you think they aren’t doing their share of the work; maybe they aren’t. But maybe you aren’t. Some might argue, and I might even agree; that in the mountains, on a hard route, being a good partner is better than being a good friend. Of course the two don’t always go hand in hand; being one doesn’t necessarily mean being the other, but when they do, that’s when the magic happens.
Clear communication, expectations, and alignment of ambitions goes a long way to staying friends.
True friendship is defined not by what you are willing to sacrifice for them, but by how much you suffer together
– Twight or House
I’ve climbed with some of the best climbers in the world, more importantly, to me, they are some of the best people in the world
– Jim Wickwire
Friendships, hard and fast can be forged in the mountains. But friendships can also be irreparably broken.
